So I had an evening last week where everything just got a bit too much. I had been fine during the day and then all of a sudden, I felt upset and I couldn’t shake myself out of it. Rather than do the obvious and watch a comedy, I wallowed and watched P.S. I Love You and The Notebook and drank wine. Once the crying started, I couldn’t stop it. I just started thinking about everything and it was overwhelming.
And then I read this post and realised that it wasn’t just me and it helped a ridiculous amount. And then I read a few more about moods, getting yourself out of a mood, burying emotions, and also how tiredness is sometimes the root cause and this again helped. This is now turning into a bit of an ode to one of my favourite bloggers, Hannah Gale, but I think a lot of the time, she really hits the nail on the head when it comes to moods, emotions and how we deal with them. I don’t know if it is a very female thing, a mid-twenties thing, or just a me-thing. Actually I take that back, having read Hannah’s blog and the comments that she receives, I know that it isn’t a me-thing and that it is totally normal to be up and down and cry – it is ok to let it out.
My flatmate arrived back towards the tail-end of the meltdown and she gave me a much-needed hug and told me that it was ok, and that everyone needs to let it out and she reminded me that I have control of my life and my actions and as a result, I have the power to change things that I’m not happy with. That knowledge, whilst needing the impetus to actually make the change made me regain some of that control that I had lost that evening. I essentially got a grip and a handle on myself. I think it takes a slight ‘meltdown’ for want of a better word to establish what is good and bad with your life and evaluate your options. I also realised that I am still really young. At 24, I have no real responsibilities, I could go on holiday, take a job abroad, take on a new hobby – I can do what I want. I’m not saying that I will do all of those things but I have the potential to and that is exciting.